Is It Gay to Date a Transgender Person? Breaking Down Myths and Facts

Editor:
Olha Rybak

Author:
Olha Rybak
Olha Rybak (she/her) is Fiorry’s Chief Editor, where she executes and operates in a writer, editor, and content creator capacity. At university, she studied English language and literature but found she loved psychology almost as much. Olha is an industrious content creator as well as a committed team leader. She says her academic background gives her a unique perspective into the complicated nooks and crannies of human behavior and communication. As a hobby, Olha also translates literature, which she passionately reads and seeks out stories that she’ll be completely absorbed by.

Key takeaways
Dating can be as fun and complicated as it feels like. The acceptance of transgender people has continued to grow in recent years, as there is now a high rate of acceptance and awareness. This in turn has led to increased conversations about dating across different gender identities.
Two questions that frequently arise are: Is dating a transgender person considered gay? Is it gay to date a trans woman or a man? This is both a straightforward question and a not straightforward answer.
In this article, we’ll tackle the topic head-on, without sidestepping, and dive into real perspectives from cisgender and transgender men and women. We’ll also unwrap common terms, debunk false myths and concerns, and explore what dating a trans person really means in different contexts.
Is Dating a Transgender Gay?
So, right off the bat, let’s address the elephant in the room—is it gay to date a transgender person?
In a nutshell, it just depends on how you want to live your life being and your partner’s one.

Sexual orientation is when you’re attracted to a person because of their gender. So, if you are a man who likes women, you are straight. However, when it comes to dating a transgender person, things can get muddled in people’s minds.
If a straight man dates a trans woman, your orientation remains straight because you’re still attracted to women.
Similarly, if a gay man dates a transgender man, the gay trans man relationship means he’s still dating a man, so his orientation remains the same. The same idea goes for a lesbian woman dating a trans woman. Being transgender doesn’t alter the gender a person identifies with. So, dating a transgender person doesn’t change your sexual orientation in any way.
The same idea applies to a t4t relationship. What does t4t mean? T4T definition stands for “trans for trans,” indicating a relationship or attraction between transgender people.
What label people have for your relationship doesn’t matter as much as the recognizing label that you and your partner place on it.
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Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation: What We Know
Gender identity is different than sexual orientation and is often mixed up.
Gender identity is simply what a person identifies as. It is one’s internal sense of their gender, whether that aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth or not.
For example, a trans woman or transgender child might have been born with the anatomical features of the male body. But growing up, a woman can experience gender dysphoria.
Sexual orientation, on the other hand, answers the question of—what gender are you attracted to? It may be heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or some other orientation. Gender identity is not about who you love; it’s about who you are. Sexual orientation is also not about who you are, it’s about who you love.
Some of these things have something in common, and the other doesn’t change the other. A transgender person can be whatever they are, just as a cis person would; straight, gay, bisexual, or any other orientation.
For example, a trans woman can be straight by being attracted to men. On the other hand, a cisgender man in a trans woman dating is still straight. This is because trans women are also women.

However, there is usually confusion when people incorrectly associate being transgender with being “gay,” just because a person’s gender identity doesn’t align with what they expect it to be.
In reality, there is no gender history and nothing to do with sexual orientation – it’s about gender attraction. That distinction thaws out well-known myths and builds more respectful relationships, not based on what people think others are, but on who they really are.
And by the way, if you’re looking for the best app to meet trans women, Fiorry is your best bet!
What Can You Expect from Cisgender People?
Cisgender people, or people whose gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth, often struggle to understand relationships involving transgender partners. For many, the idea of dating a transgender person can raise questions, largely due to a lack of exposure to understanding of gender identity and sexual orientation.
All are weird about it some are a little weird about it. Good example? Trans chasers. What is a trans chaser?
A “trans chaser” refers to a cis person who is primarily attracted to transgender people, often in a way that fetishizes their gender identity. This term can carry a negative connotation, as it may imply that the person is more interested in the idea of being with a trans person rather than appreciating them as a whole person.
One of the most common misconceptions among cisgender people is that dating a transgender person might make them question their own sexual orientation.
For instance, a pretty straight man may hesitate to date transgender women because he fears others will perceive him as gay, even though his attraction is to women. This perception is rooted in a misunderstanding of transgender identities, where the focus is placed on a person’s gender at birth rather than their lived identity.

For many cisgender people, local and global societal pressures and ingrained beliefs about gender roles can shape their initial reactions to dating someone who is transgender. A lot of them literally throw transgender equality and rights out the window.
A lot of the time, we don’t know anything or we have questions, but these relationships aren’t completely new ones.
Many cisgender people who have dated attractive transgender partners report that, once they get past the initial concerns or misconceptions, their relationships are based on the same factors as any other—love, compatibility, and mutual respect.
Perspectives from Transgender People
While many in the community are busy with discussions like are there more trans men or trans women, there are bigger fishes to fry along the lines of relationships and concerns.
For beautiful transgender people, relationships can come with unique challenges due to how others view their gender identity. Many transgender people, whether trans men or trans women, face hurdles when dating, including the fear of rejection or being misunderstood.
A big part of dating as a transgender person is navigating society’s misconceptions about their identity, which can affect how they are perceived in romantic situations.
Transgender people often have to confront whether potential partners will see them for who they are—men or women—or whether they will be fixated on their gender history. For many, the fear of being fetishized or reduced to their transgender status instead of being valued as a whole person is real. Dating is complicated and emotionally draining, so having this added problem does not help.

That said, many transgender people view relationships like anyone else does: trust, respect, and attraction are connected. And they want their partners to love them for who they really are—not for their past.
Not all transgender people might be open to disclosing their trans status early in the relationship to gauge compatibility. However, many will probably have to wait until they feel more secure. In any relationship, respect is the key and clear, open communication.
Important terminologies and language
Trans Man
A trans man (not a crossdresser) is someone who was assigned female at birth but identifies and lives as a man. When dating a trans man, it’s essential to see and respect them as the man they are. They may undergo some medical transitions, such as hormone therapy or surgery, or they may choose not to.
While someone identifies himself as a man, their gender identity is male; people should use the appropriate pronouns and language for that gender identity. It’s also important to avoid intrusive questions about his transition, focusing instead on who he is as a person.
Trans Woman
A trans woman is someone who was assigned male at birth but identifies and lives as a woman. They are so like other beautiful women; they see themselves as women, and so they see the world.
In any relationship, they should be treated as a woman. It’s simple—but important—to use their chosen name and pronouns. Just as with trans men, it’s not appropriate to focus on their medical history or gender at birth, as that can invalidate their lived experience as a woman. What should matter is who she is right now.
What to Know When Dating a Trans Woman or Man
Dating a Trans Woman
In tgirl dating, here are key points to consider:
- See them as a woman: Respect their identity; don’t pay attention to their gender history. When it comes to misgendering or talking about their past, it is a violation of trust.
- Pronouns and language: Always know which pronouns the woman goes by, and refer to them as the woman they identify as.
- Intimacy and boundaries: Some trans women may feel comfortable discussing their body or transition, while others may not. Before talking about any personal matter, always keep the consent.
- Public support: Dating as a trans woman comes with discrimination. If they feel weak, be their stand-bearer in public and their ally in social situations.
- Emotional and psychological support: They know they’re going to have trouble with gender dysphoria or they’re going to be judged externally. They want someone who offers emotional support and someone who agrees to give it.
Dating a Trans Man
When dating a trans man, here are important points to keep in mind:
- Respect his identity as a man: Make sure you’re using the right pronouns—pronouns matching the he/him, not his assigned gender at birth.
- Body comfort and intimacy: Trans men may have varying levels of comfort discussing their bodies. Approach all of these topics with care and sensitivity and respect his boundaries, taking these topics as you go.
- Gender dysphoria: Some trans men experience discomfort with certain aspects of their body. Be understanding of him and be supportive; pushing or rushing him to talk or be physical isn’t allowed.
- Societal perceptions: Just like trans women, trans men can face stigma or misunderstanding. Be ready to stand next to your partner and help should they meet social pressure.
- Open communication: Do not hesitate to constantly make sure of your partner’s emotional well-being and what relationship needs. This will make both of you feel a bit more seen and valued.
In both cases, dating a trans person is about mutual respect, open communication, and understanding the unique experiences they may face as transgender people.
What’s It Like for a Gay Man Dating a Trans Man?
So, let’s get real a bit—what’s it like a gay man dating a trans man?
For a gay man dating a transgender guy, the relationship dynamics can be unique, but the core elements are no different than any other relationship—attraction, emotional connection, and mutual respect.
Gay men, by definition, are attracted to men, and for many, that includes trans men. Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t make it easy to walk through all the society calls and assumptions in both directions.
It’s good to consider that people might take a different view of the relationship. Some people might question the gay man’s sexual orientation, wrongly assuming that dating a trans man somehow changes his identity. This can lead to outside judgment or misunderstanding, but the gay man dating a trans man must prioritize their own understanding of their relationship over societal perceptions.

Relationships should be built on mutual respect and understanding, not societal expectations
Emotionally, the bond between a gay man and a trans man can thrive just like any other relationship when both partners are open about their feelings and respectful of each other’s identities.
Communication is key in a gay transgender relationship—both partners need to discuss topics such as transitioning, body image, sex with transgender, and societal pressures in a way that strengthens the relationship rather than avoiding tough conversations.
What’s It Like for a Gay Man Dating a Trans Woman?
When a gay man dates a trans woman, the relationship might present some complexities due to differing gender identities and expectations. While the gay man identifies as being attracted to men, his attraction to a trans woman may lead him to question his orientation or how others will view him.
This relationship dynamic can sometimes bring confusion or external judgment, as people may not fully understand how a gay man could be attracted to a woman, even if she’s a transgender woman.
For the trans woman, it’s important that she feels seen and accepted as a woman. But such relationships can often be about breaking down an idealized view of what constitutes sexual orientation. While the gay man may find himself questioning societal definitions of being “gay,” what ultimately matters is how both partners feel about each other.
Open communication about these feelings is essential. If the gay man continues to identify as gay but is attracted to a trans woman, it may signal that the boundaries between sexual orientation labels are more fluid than rigid.
Ultimately, the dynamics of a gay man dating a trans woman are defined by the people involved, not by traditional labels or societal expectations.
What to Know in Trans Woman Dating
So, before we round off, let’s quickly run through what to know when dating a trans woman.
To date trans women, you need understanding, empathy, and respect, just like any other relationship. The first thing to know is that your trans partner is a woman, and it’s important to respect her identity fully. In an attempt to be more ‘inclusive’, you may misgender (even by accident) or focus on her gender history, breaking trust or hurting her emotionally. Building strong connections, using the correct pronouns, and treating her as the woman she is will all go a long way.
No matter what, be open and honest. If you have questions about her transition or what she’s comfortable with, it’s okay to ask—as long as the questions are respectful and not invasive.
Many trans women prefer not to have their gender history be the focus of the relationship, and it’s important to respect their boundaries.
Are you ready to make some meaningful connections? Download the app/register and get started exploring supportive relationships today.
What to Know When Dating a Trans Man
Dating a trans man requires sensitivity, respect, and open communication. Here are some practical tips to help you navigate the relationship:
- Respect his identity: refer to him always by his correct pronouns (he/him) and always acknowledge him as a man. Unless he wants to discuss his gender history, don’t speak on it.
- Open communication: Find space to feel safe having conversations around relationships, boundaries, and any concerns about the relationship. There’s a benefit here, which is that both partners feel heard and respected.
- Intimacy considerations: Understand that a trans man may have specific comfort levels regarding physical intimacy. Express your preferences in front of him, and remember he could be sensitive about his body. Basically, ask them where to meet them emotionally and meet them right there.
- Be aware of societal pressures: Understand that he may be discriminated against or stigmatized. Help him build that safe environment by supporting him and being a supportive ally in both your public and private lives.
By prioritizing respect, understanding, and communication, you can create a nurturing and supportive relationship with a trans man.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does being in a relationship with a transgender person affect my sexual orientation?
Dating a transgender woman or man does not necessarily change your sexual orientation. If you identify as heterosexual and are attracted to a trans woman, your orientation remains the same. Similarly, if you identify as gay and are attracted to a trans man, your orientation still reflects your attraction to men.
Is it appropriate to inquire about a transgender person’s transition?
Questions are generally okay, but approach the topic with sensitivity. If your partner seems open to discussing their transition, ask respectfully. However, respect if they don’t want to talk.
What should I do if I have mixed feelings about dating a transgender person?
You are going to have mixed feelings. Let’s take time to think about our emotions and what we’re attracted to in our partner. Ask yourself, Why am I attracted to trans women or men? You also need to weigh the pros and cons of dating a trans woman or man. Open dialogue helps you understand your feelings, then helps you turn the misunderstanding into learning.
How can I be an ally to my transgender partner?
Validate people’s experiences and listen actively. Educate yourself on transgender issues and advocate for their rights. Tell them how you’re feeling and encourage them to do the same. In times of hardship, show empathy and understanding.
Are there unique challenges associated with dating a transgender person?
These may challenge it as societal stigma, discrimination, and personal insecurities. It becomes even worse for a gay trans man. These issues should be talked about openly by both partners, and they should try together to resolve any problems.
What can I do to help combat the stigma surrounding relationships with transgender people?
Educate yourself and others about transgender issues. Challenge the misconceptions. When you advocate respect and inclusion, you make that environment a little more understanding for everyone.
How should I handle disapproval from friends or family regarding my relationship with a transgender person?
Expect everyone to have differing opinions. Talk to your partner about how much they mean to you and to your loved ones about your feelings. Until they understand the wind may blow, it’s the patience and ongoing dialogue that will help.
Is it okay to ask a transgender person about their genitalia?
It’s a highly personal subject that’s also considered invasive. The best you can do with such questions is avoid them unless your partner brings it up first and is open to talking about it.
What if I’m uncertain about which pronouns to use for my transgender partner?
If you’re not sure what pronouns your partner prefers, it’s fine to ask them nicely. It’s important to mention here that you should make an effort to use their pronouns, as you always will, and correct yourself if you do get it wrong.
Is it possible for a transgender person to have children?
Yes, many transgender people can have children, depending on their personal circumstances. Trans men who haven’t undergone certain medical procedures may still have the ability to conceive. Talking about family planning and its preferences in relationships is important. Also, meet trans people who have had similar experiences for advice.
Time to read: 17 min.
PR manager
Olena Kosonogova
It’s crucial to differentiate gender identity from sexual orientation to foster more inclusive and respectful relationships