How to Explain Transgender to a Child: A Guide for Parents and Guardians

27/03/2025

Editor:

Olha Rybak

Author:

Olha Rybak

Olha Rybak (she/her) is Fiorry’s Chief Editor, where she executes and operates in a writer, editor, and content creator capacity. At university, she studied English language and literature but found she loved psychology almost as much. Olha is an industrious content creator as well as a committed team leader. She says her academic background gives her a unique perspective into the complicated nooks and crannies of human behavior and communication. As a hobby, Olha also translates literature, which she passionately reads and seeks out stories that she’ll be completely absorbed by.

Your five-year-old looks up from their picture book and asks, “Can boys wear dresses?” Caught off guard, you pause, unsure how to respond. Should you correct them? Change the subject? Or take this as a chance to explain something deeper about gender?

Discussing gender and transgender identities with children is essential. It fosters a compassionate and understanding relationship with your son or daughter as they grow. Conversations about gender, whether concerning transgender, nonbinary, or cisgender identities, should be inclusive and open. By educating kids about gender from a young age, you can help them appreciate the diversity in the world and create an environment where everyone feels accepted, regardless of their gender identity. These discussions promote respect, prevent misunderstandings, and equip children with the tools to be kind and supportive of others.

Why It’s Important to Talk About Gender Early

Teaching kids about gender early helps them understand diversity and respect others’ identities. Children exposed to different gender identities are more open-minded and less likely to develop biases against LGBTQ+ people.

By explaining what it means to be transgender, gender nonconforming, or nonbinary, parents help kids see beyond traditional gender roles and stereotypes. This fosters acceptance and reduces stigma, encouraging respect for all identities.

Transgender activist

Jazz Jennings

The more people are educated at a young age, the more they grow up and have an open mind and accept people for who they are

These conversations help children feel confident in their gender identity. For transgender children, they offer reassurance and validation, helping them understand that their feelings are real and respected.

Looking for a supportive community to navigate these conversations? Join Fiorry today to connect with others, find helpful resources, and make informed parenting decisions.

Understanding Your Child’s Curiosity About Gender

Children’s natural curiosity about gender can be a gateway to important conversations about identity. From a young age, kids often ask questions like, “What does it mean to be a boy or a girl?” or “Why do some people dress differently?” This curiosity reflects their growing awareness of the world around them and their understanding of the concept of gender.

When children ask about gender, they are seeking understanding. Providing age-appropriate, honest answers helps them make sense of the world.

Even young children can grasp basic ideas about gender identity and expression. Explaining that gender isn’t always tied to being assigned male or female at birth helps them understand diversity. These early discussions set the stage for deeper conversations as they grow, creating a safe space to ask questions and explore their understanding of gender.

Before discussing transgender topics with children, parents and guardians need to be well-prepared. This preparation ensures that they feel informed, confident, and ready to handle questions in a thoughtful and supportive manner.

Parents who take the time to educate themselves on gender identity and transgender concepts are more likely to engage in meaningful, respectful conversations. Preparation also helps parents approach difficult questions with sensitivity, offering a clear and compassionate response.

Taking the time to be ready is key to creating an environment where the child feels safe to ask questions and explore their identity.

Educating Yourself About Gender Identity and Transgender Concepts

Parents need to understand gender identity and transgender concepts to explain them effectively. Many resources, like books, articles, and online courses, can help you learn about gender diversity, transgender experiences, and related challenges. Trans dating website like Fiorry can also provide insights and real-life stories from the community.

Familiarizing yourself with terms like gender identity, gender expression, and gender dysphoria will help you answer questions confidently. It’s important to distinguish between gender and sexual orientation—gender identity is about a person’s internal sense of gender, while sexual orientation refers to who they are attracted to.

By educating yourself, you’ll be better equipped to explain complex concepts in an age-appropriate way and show your child that you respect and value gender diversity

Building Confidence to Answer Your Child’s Questions

It’s natural to feel unsure about answering your child’s questions, especially on complex topics. The key is building confidence in these conversations so your child feels supported. First, remember you don’t need all the answers. If you don’t know something, it’s okay to admit it and look it up together. This shows your child that it’s OK to explore and ask questions.

Parents can also practice answering common questions beforehand to feel more prepared. Start with the basics. Keep your answers simple and direct. You don’t need to use complicated terminology—simplicity and honesty go a long way.

Finally, frame the conversation as an open discussion, not a lecture. Encourage your child to ask questions and share thoughts. By staying calm and open-minded, you show your child that sensitive topics can be discussed without fear of judgment.

When explaining transgender identity to a child, it’s important to match the explanation to their developmental stage. Younger children need simple, straightforward explanations, while older kids can understand more detailed concepts about gender identity and transgender people. Tailoring the conversation helps make the information clear and engaging, while also ensuring it aligns with each child’s level of understanding.

For younger children, books like It Feels Good to Be Yourself by Theresa Thorn offer accessible explanations of gender identity. TV shows like Sesame Street also introduce concepts about gender diversity in a way that’s easy for children to grasp. This approach creates an open space where children feel comfortable asking questions, exploring their curiosity, and learning about the world around them.

Talking to Younger Children (Ages 3-7)

When talking to children ages 3 to 7, use simple, relatable language. At this age, kids are beginning to understand gender and may notice differences between boys and girls. You can explain that gender is about who someone is on the inside, not just how they look. For instance, say, ‘Some people feel like a boy, others feel like a girl, and some might feel different inside, even if they were born as one gender.’

Let them know that everyone is different, and all identities are valid. You can say, ‘Some people like wearing dresses, others don’t, and that’s okay!’ Teach them that everyone should be free to express themselves in whatever way feels right to them. Use examples from their life, like family members or friends who express their gender in different ways.

You can also incorporate toys, books, or cartoons with diverse gender expressions to help them understand. Reinforce that differences in gender expression are completely normal.

Explaining Transgender to Older Kids (Ages 8-12)

Older children can understand more about gender identity and may have specific questions. At this stage, explain that gender is how someone feels inside, which may be different from the sex they were assigned at birth. You can say, “Some people are born as one gender but feel like another inside. That’s called being transgender.”

It’s also important to clear up misconceptions. Clarify that being transgender isn’t confusion or a mental illness, but about being true to oneself.

Teach them to respect everyone’s identity and to use the correct pronouns, as this acknowledges and affirms someone’s gender. Encourage them to stand up for others if they hear someone being misgendered. Understanding these values early helps create a more accepting and supportive environment for everyone.

Helping children develop empathy for all genders fosters a more inclusive environment. Gender diversity is a natural part of identity, and teaching respect early promotes understanding.

Children learn by observing adults, so model inclusivity. Use respectful language, avoid assumptions, and support self-expression. When they ask about gender identities, provide clear answers and encourage curiosity.

American model

Carmen Carrera

Empathy is about understanding the human experience. When we start with empathy, the rest of the learning falls into place

Explain that there is no single way to be a boy or a girl. People express their identities in many ways, and all identities deserve respect. If a child has a trans sibling, teach them the importance of using correct names and pronouns, as misgendering can hurt relationships.

Expose children to diverse gender identities through books, movies, and real-life examples. Representation helps normalize diversity and reinforces empathy. Early lessons in respect shape compassionate, open-minded people.

Navigating conversations about gender identity can be challenging, but creating a supportive environment helps children feel valued and understood. There’s no right or wrong way to explore or express gender identity—each journey is unique. As parents, your role is to offer encouragement, respect, and unconditional love.

Support groups and organizations like PFLAG provide valuable resources for families to approach these conversations with confidence. What matters most is that your child feels safe, accepted, and free to be themselves. By fostering empathy and respect, you’re helping create a more inclusive world.

Fiorry offers a safe, inclusive space for parents and allies to learn, connect, and find support. Download the app today and be part of a community that celebrates every identity.

What age to talk to kids about transgender?

Generally, children know by age four that boys and girls can both belong to the sexually adopted category. We also want the conversation early as they are less susceptible to prejudice.

Have transgender people always existed?

Yes, transgender people have always existed. Many cultures throughout history have recognized gender diversity, such as the Two-Spirit people in Indigenous cultures. Gender identity is not a new concept, but part of a long history of human diversity.

What is transgender?

 Transgender refers to someone whose gender identity is different from the sex they were assigned at birth.